What should I say?

Extracted from material from Singapore General Hospital, Life Centre. Information is modified from the NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association- http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/)


Advice for talking to a friend who may be struggling with an eating disorder:


If you are worried about your friend's eating behaviours or attitudes, it is important to express you concerns in a loving and supportive way. It is also necessary to discuss your worries early on, rather than waiting until your friend has endured many of the damaging physical and emotional effects of eating disorders. In a private and relaxed setting, talk to your friend in a calm and caring way about the specific things you have seen or felt that have caused you to worry.



Set a time to talk. Set aside a time for a private, respectful meeting with your friend to discuss concerns openly and honestly in a caring, supportive way. Make sure you will be come place away from other distractions.


Communicate your concerns. Share your memories of specific times when you felt concerned about your friend's eating or exercise behaviours. Explain that you think these things may indicate that there could be a problem that needs professional attention.


Ask your friend to explore these concerns with a counsellor or a doctor, nutritionist or other health professional who is knowledgeable about eating issues. If you feel comfortable doing so, offer to help your friend make an appointment or accompany your friend on their visit.


Avoid conflict or a battle of the wills with your friend. If your friend refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem, or any reason for you to be concerned, restate your feelings and the reasons for them, and leave yourself open and available as a supportive listener.


Avoid placing shame, blame or guilt on your friend regarding their actions or attitudes. DO NOT use accusatory "you" statements like "You just need to eat," or "You are acting irresponsibly." Instead, use "I" statements. For example, "I'm concerned about you because your refuse to eat breakfast or lunch." or "It makes me afraid to hear you vomiting."


Avoid giving simple solutions. For example, "If you'd just stop, then everything would be fine!"


Express your continued support. Remind your friend that you care and want your friend to be healthy and happy.


After talking with your friend, if you are still concerned with their health and safety, find a trusted adult or medical professional to talk to. This is probably a challenging time for both of you. It could be helpful for you, as well as your friend, to discuss concerns and seek assistance from a professional.


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